A Letter That He’ll Never See

I constantly find myself day dreaming about a day where we can be together and happy. A day when I can call you my boyfriend and you will want to call me your girlfriend. We’re so close already and I’ve been asked multiple times if we are talking or dating. People think we are a couple when we go places together, I know you see it too. Why can’t we just take that extra step? You say you want to find a girl who’s the perfect fit, who’s a better fit than the girl you consider your best friend? I understand that you don’t want to ruin the relationship if things don’t work out, cause neither do I, but you know me and I know you, and our relationship is too strong for anything to come between us. You know that. So why not just give me a chance. Give us a chance.  You’ve gone through so many other girls, given them chances, even second chances, why not me? Why am I so different from them? I do so much for you. I love being responsible for the smile on your face. I love the way you get that cheesy smile on your face everytime you see me. I love the way you bite at your lip without realizing you’re doing it. I love the way you stand there with your hands down on your hips, shoulders shrugged, and you tilt your head back just enough to where the light chisel in your jawline shows perfectly. I love your dark brown eyes. I love your hugs, the way you rock me back and forth, rub my back, and take a deep breath during it all. In that moment, I feel so comfortable,  and I know that in your arms is where I’m supposed to be. I feel so comfortable with you. I love you so much, and I know that you love me too, but there’s one small difference. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you and everything about you. I wish you knew that. I wish you would give me the chance to show you. I don’t mind if we don’t even get to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. We can just talk. Just let me show you how it would be if we were together. I once gave you the advice of “you’ll never know unless you try” about a girl. You took that advice and you used it. The next week, the two of you were talking, and I was responsible for it. Why did I do it if I’m in love with you? Because I knew if you took a chance with her, and it worked out, you’d be so happy. But it didn’t work out with her. Did it change anything between ya’ll afterwards though? No. She was still your prom date later that year as friends. What hurts me is that you aren’t willing to take that advice and apply it to us. And my question is why? You say I deserve to wake up to sweet messages every morning, but what you don’t know is that I’m waiting on you to make it happen. I shouldn’t be though. But I do. I haven’t been able to move on from you. I fell for you, one of my best friends, I fell hard, and I still haven’t been able to get able to get back up on my feet. Even after 2 years, going on 3. I still get butterflies in my stomach everytime I see you. There hasn’t been a time where I didn’t. I smile as soon as I see you, and the smile doesn’t fade one bit the entire time im with you. I see your car, or think I do, and my stomach drops thinking of the chance that it could be you. I smile at just the thought of you. You’re the only one who makes me feel this way. I still catch myself trying to get dressed up or just put make up on just to catch your eye, even though I know its pointless. I’m absolutely, 110%, head over heels, lost in love with you. I’ve tried so hard, countless times to get over you, but I can’t. Maybe I’ll get over you one day, but I know for a fact that a part of me will always be in love with you, and that scares me. So I keep the little hope that I have left, that you and I might end up together someday, and I just hope and pray. But until then, I will remain your best friend, because you and our relationship mean the world to me. I will always be here for you, and you can always count on me, no matter what. I promise. I love you, best friend, to the moon and back, always.